"The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion"
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When the Anti-Choice Choose
By Joyce Arthur (copyright ©
September 2000)
Abortion is a highly personal decision that many
women are sure they'll never have to think about
until they're suddenly faced with an unexpected
pregnancy. But this can happen to anyone,
including women who are strongly anti-choice. So
what does an anti-choice woman do when she
experiences an unwanted pregnancy herself? Often,
she will grin and bear it, so to speak, but
frequently, she opts for the solution she would
deny to other women -- abortion.
In the spring of 2000, I collected the following
anecdotes directly from abortion doctors and other
clinic staff in North America, Australia, and
Europe. The stories are presented in the
providers' own words, with minor editing for
grammar, clarity, and brevity. Names have been
omitted to protect privacy.
"I have done several abortions
on women who have regularly picketed my clinics,
including a 16 year old schoolgirl who came back
to picket the day after her abortion, about three
years ago. During her whole stay at the clinic, we
felt that she was not quite right, but there were
no real warning bells. She insisted that the
abortion was her idea and assured us that all was
OK. She went through the procedure very smoothly
and was discharged with no problems. A quite
routine operation. Next morning she was with her
mother and several school mates in front of the
clinic with the usual anti posters and chants. It
appears that she got the abortion she needed and
still displayed the appropriate anti views
expected of her by her parents, teachers, and
peers." (Physician, Australia)
"I've had several cases over the
years in which the anti-abortion patient had
rationalized in one way or another that her case
was the only exception, but the one that really
made an impression was the college senior who was
the president of her campus Right-to-Life
organization, meaning that she had worked very
hard in that organization for several years. As I
was completing her procedure, I asked what she
planned to do about her high office in the RTL
organization. Her response was a wide-eyed,
'You're not going to tell them, are you!?' When
assured that I was not, she breathed a sigh of
relief, explaining how important that position was
to her and how she wouldn't want this to interfere
with it." (Physician, Texas)
"In 1990, in the Boston area,
Operation Rescue and other groups were regularly
blockading the clinics, and many of us went every
Saturday morning for months to help women and
staff get in. As a result, we knew many of the
'antis' by face. One morning, a woman who had been
a regular 'sidewalk counselor' went into the
clinic with a young woman who looked like she was
16-17, and obviously her daughter. When the mother
came out about an hour later, I had to go up and
ask her if her daughter's situation had caused her
to change her mind. 'I don't expect you to
understand my daughter's situation!' she angrily
replied. The following Saturday, she was back,
pleading with women entering the clinic not to
'murder their babies.'" (Clinic escort,
Massachusetts)
"We too have seen our share of
anti-choice women, ones the counselors usually
grit their teeth over. Just last week a woman
announced loudly enough for all to hear in the
recovery room, that she thought abortion should be
illegal. Amazingly, this was her second abortion
within the last few months, having gotten pregnant
again within a month of the first abortion. The
nurse handled it by talking about all the carnage
that went on before abortion was legalized and how
fortunate she was to be receiving safe,
professional care. However, this young woman
continued to insist it was wrong and should be
made illegal. Finally the nurse said, 'Well, I
guess we won't be seeing you here again, not that
you're not welcome.' Later on, another patient who
had overheard this exchange thanked the nurse for
her remarks." (Clinic Administrator, Alberta)
"We saw a woman recently who
after four attempts and many hours of counseling
both at the hospital and our clinic, finally,
calmly and uneventfully, had her abortion. Four
months later, she called me on Christmas Eve to
tell me that she was not and never was pro-choice
and that we failed to recognize that she was
clinically depressed at the time of her abortion.
The purpose of her call was to chastise me for not
sending her off to the psych unit instead of the
procedure room." (Clinic Administrator, Alberta)
"Recently, we had a patient who
had given a history of being a 'pro-life'
activist, but who had decided to have an abortion.
She was pleasant to me and our initial discussion
was mutually respectful. Later, she told someone
on my staff that she thought abortion is murder,
that she is a murderer, and that she is murdering
her baby. So before doing her procedure, I asked
her if she thought abortion is murder -- the
answer was yes. I asked her if she thought I am a
murderer, and if she thought I would be murdering
her baby, and she said yes. But murder is a crime,
and murderers are executed. Is this a crime? Well,
it should be, she said. At that point, she became
angry and hostile, and the summary of the
conversation was that she regarded me as an
abortion-dispensing machine, and how dare I ask
her what she thinks. After explaining to her that
I do not perform abortions for people who think I
am a murderer or people who are angry at me, I
declined to provide her with medical care. I do
not know whether she found someone else to do her
abortion." (Physician, Colorado)
"In 1973, after Roe v. Wade,
abortion became legal but had to be performed in a
hospital. That of course was changed later. For
the first 'legal abortion day' I had scheduled
five procedures. While scrubbing between cases, I
was accosted by the Chief of the OB/Gyn service.
He asked me, 'How many children are you going to
kill today?' My response, out of anger, was a
familiar vulgar retort. About three months later,
this born-again Christian called me to explain
that he was against abortion but his daughter was
only a junior in high school and was too young to
have a baby and he was also afraid that if she did
have a baby she would not want to put it up for
adoption. I told him he did not need to explain
the situation to me. 'All I need to know', I said,
'is that SHE wants an abortion.' Two years later I
performed a second abortion on her during her
college break. She thanked me and pleaded, 'Please
don't tell my dad, he is still anti-abortion.'"
(Physician, Washington State)
"The sister of a Dutch bishop in
Limburg once visited the abortion clinic in Beek
where I used to work in the seventies. After
entering the full waiting room she said to me, 'My
dear Lord, what are all those young girls doing
here?' 'Same as you', I replied. 'Dirty little
dames,' she said." (Physician, The Netherlands)
"I had a patient about ten years
ago who traveled up to New York City from South
Carolina for an abortion. I asked her why she went
such a long way to get the procedure. Her answer
was that she was a member of a church group that
didn't believe in abortion and she didn't want
anyone to know she was having one. She planned to
return to the group when she went back to South
Carolina." (Physician, New York)
"I once had a German client who
greatly thanked me at the door, leaving after a
difficult 22-week abortion. With a gleaming smile,
she added: 'Und doch sind Sie ein Mörderer.' ('And
you're still a murderer.')" (Physician, The
Netherlands)
"My first encounter with this
phenomenon came when I was doing a 2-week
follow-up at a family planning clinic. The woman's
anti-choice values spoke indirectly through her
expression and body language. She told me that she
had been offended by the other women in the
abortion clinic waiting room because they were
using abortion as a form of birth control, but her
condom had broken so she had no choice! I had real
difficulty not pointing out that she did have a
choice, and she had made it! Just like the other
women in the waiting room." (Physician, Ontario)
"A 21 year old woman and her
mother drove three hours to come to their
appointment for an abortion. They were surprised
to find the clinic a 'nice' place with friendly,
personable staff. While going over contraceptive
options, they shared that they were Pro-Life and
disagreed with abortion, but that the patient
could not afford to raise a child right now. Also,
she wouldn't need contraception since she wasn't
going to have sex until she got married, because
of her religious beliefs. Rather than argue with
them, I saw this as an opportunity for dialogue,
and in the end, my hope was that I had planted a
'healing seed' to help resolve the conflict
between their beliefs and their realities."
(Physician, Washington State)
"I had a 37 year old woman just
yesterday who was 13 weeks. She said she and her
husband had been discussing this pregnancy for 2-3
months. She was strongly opposed to abortion, 'but
my husband is forcing me to do it.' Naturally, I
told her that no one could force her into an
abortion, and that she had to choose whether the
pregnancy or her husband were more important. I
told her I only wanted what was best for her, and
I would not do the abortion unless she agreed that
it was in her best interest. Once she was faced
with actually having to voice her own choice, she
said 'Well, I made the appointment and I came
here, so go ahead and do it. It's what's best.' At
last I think she came to grips with the fact that
it really was her decision after all." (Physician,
Nevada)
"We have anti-choice women in
for abortions all the time. Many of them are just
naive and ignorant until they find themselves with
an unwanted pregnancy. Many of them are not
malicious. They just haven't given it the proper
amount of thought until it completely affects
them. They can be judgmental about their friends,
family, and other women. Then suddenly they become
pregnant. Suddenly they see the truth. That it
should only be their own choice. Unfortunately,
many also think that somehow they are different
than everyone else and they deserve to have an
abortion, while no one else does." (Physician,
Washington State)
Although few studies have been made of this
phenomenon, a study done in 1981[1]
found that 24% of women who had
abortions considered the procedure morally wrong,
and 7% of women who'd had abortions disagreed with
the statement, "Any woman who wants an abortion
should be permitted to obtain it legally." A
1994/95 survey[2,3] of nearly
10,000 abortion patients showed 18% of women
having abortions are born-again or Evangelical
Christians. Many of these women are likely
anti-choice. The survey also showed that Catholic
women have an abortion rate 29% higher than
Protestant women. A Planned Parenthood handbook on
abortion notes that nearly half of all abortions
are for women who describe themselves as
born-again Christian, Evangelical Christian, or
Catholic.[4]
According to a 1987 article, Abortion Clinics'
Toughest Cases,[5]
"Physicians and clinics frequently terminate
pregnancies for women who believe abortion is
'murder' and 'a sin' but who are not anti-abortion
activists. Demonstrators, organizers, and leaders
in the [anti-abortion] movement are seen less
frequently, ranging from perhaps once or twice a
month to a few times in the course of a
professional career." The article contained the
following anecdotes:
An administrator at a Missouri
clinic recalled a woman blurting out in the
recovery room, "It should be illegal." The other
women's mouths fell open, said the administrator.
"They couldn't believe it."
The medical director of an
Indianapolis clinic recalled one prospective
patient who phoned to ask whether the clinic had a
back door. He said no. How, she asked, could she
get inside without being seen by fellow picketers
outside? Pointing out that two orthopedists
practiced with him, the doctor told the woman "she
could limp and say she was coming to see the
orthopods."
The medical director at a Dallas
abortion clinic told this story: A white woman
from an affluent north Dallas neighborhood brought
her black maid in for an abortion and paid for it.
While the maid was in a counseling session, a
commotion was heard in the waiting room outside.
The maid's employer was handing out anti-abortion
leaflets to other women waiting for abortions.
From a clinic director in a
mid-western state: "One of the most remarkable
cases was a woman who came [from another part of
the state] and said she was the Right-to-Life
president in her county. 'But,' she said, she 'had
become pregnant and had to have an abortion.'"
From a counselor in Virginia:
"[The patient] was disturbed and upset and
insisted she couldn't carry the pregnancy to term.
She opposed abortion -- and in fact had picketed
this very clinic -- [but] felt the abortion was
something she had to do."
Many anti-choice women are convinced that their
need for abortion is unique -- not like those
"other" women -- even though they have abortions
for the same sorts of reasons. Anti-choice women
often expect special treatment from clinic staff.
Some demand an abortion immediately, wanting to
skip important preliminaries such as taking a
history or waiting for blood test results.
Frequently, anti-abortion women will refuse
counseling (such women are generally turned away
or referred to an outside counselor because
counseling at clinics is mandatory). Some women
insist on sneaking in the back door and hiding in
a room away from other patients. Others refuse to
sit in the waiting room with women they call
"sluts" and "trash." Or if they do, they get angry
when other patients in the waiting room talk or
laugh, because it proves to them that women get
abortions casually, for "convenience".
A few behave in a very hostile manner, such as
calling clinic staff "murderers." Years ago, a
clinic counselor in British Columbia told me that
one of her patients went into the procedure room
apparently fine with her decision to have an
abortion. During the abortion, at a stage when it
was too late to stop the procedure, the woman
started screaming "You murderers!" and other
invectives at everyone in the room.
A few doctors actually refuse to provide
abortions to anti-choice women for liability
reasons. In the words of a Kansas physician:
"Early in my career, I thought I
was obligated to provide an abortion for every
woman who arrived at my doorstep requesting an
abortion. My experience in general medicine,
surgery, and abortion has led me to believe
differently. Not inadvertently, women give either
me or my staff an uneasy feeling about their
ambivalence or their anxiety about the abortion
process. Since I have never been sued for an
abortion I did not perform, my policy is to
acknowledge my gut feeling, which is more often
right than wrong."
A clinic counselor from Georgia stated:
"I have long felt that
anti-abortionism is a psychological
contraindication to the abortion procedure. And
that we don't have to give everyone who asks an
abortion. An anti-abortion woman is likely to be
uncooperative and will probably not follow post-op
instructions or instructions on how to deal with
complications. There is actually a case where an
anti-abortion patient failed to go as directed to
Emergency for an unrelated complication. She ended
up dying, and her family sued the physician and
badgered him publicly. Additionally, if you have a
complication that day, it will be the
anti-abortionist. I'm not talking about the
patient who says, 'I was against abortion until it
happened to me', or 'I'm really against abortion,
but I have to do this'. I'm talking about the
picketer, the activist, the totally anti-creature
who will come back to haunt us."
In fact, an anti-abortion organization called
Life Dynamics Inc., of Denton Texas, specializes
in malpractice suits against abortion providers.
They advertise for and exploit women who regret
their abortion decision or who had complications,
and try and persuade them to file suit against the
doctor or clinic. Many of these women are
vulnerable and suffer from emotional problems, but
others are anti-abortion, or at least very
ambivalent about their decision to have an
abortion. The message that abortion is murder has
had a profound influence on them, and it may leave
them with a legacy of guilt and shame after their
abortion, too often borne alone and in silence.
When these women find themselves unable to cope
with their abortions, they may look for somebody
else to blame, and doctors become a convenient
scapegoat.
At times, clinic staff understandably become
frustrated and angry when they have to deal with
abusive, hostile, or hypocritical patients. And it
is rare for anti-choice women to express
appreciation for the service they've received. But
most clinics perform abortions on anti-abortion
women because they feel it's their obligation to
help all women. They provide more thorough and
specialized counseling to these women to ensure
they take ownership of their decision, as far as
possible. Here's a couple of examples of
counseling techniques:
"When a patient comes in with my
'favorite' sentiment: 'The only moral abortion is
my abortion,' I try to expand her understanding
that a few more of us have had and deserve a
'moral' abortion. When a woman expands her need
for care beyond herself, you no longer have an
'anti'." (Clinic Administrator, Louisiana)
"Sometimes I say to patients who
have that 'I have no choice, I know I'll regret
it, just do me' attitude: 'You may not care, but
we do. We only do abortions on women who want our
services. We will not knowingly contribute to any
possible trauma of any woman.' They seem surprised
that we care how we do our work, but they also
accept it." (Counselor, New York)
Some anti-choice women who have abortions do make
peace with their decision and even become
pro-choice, or at least more forgiving of other
women seeking abortions. A Louisiana patient who
was anti-choice before her abortion, wrote a warm
and grateful thank-you letter to the clinic,
admitting that she had been a hypocrite:
"I never dreamed, in my wildest
nightmares, that there would ever be a situation
where I personally would choose such an act. Of
course, we would each like to think that our
reasons for a termination are the exception to the
rule. But the bottom line is that you people spend
your lives, reputations, careers and energy
fighting for, maintaining, and providing an option
that I needed, while I spent my energy lambasting
you. Yet you still allowed me to make use of your
services even though I had been one of your
enemies. You treated us as kindly and warmly as
you did all of your patients and never once
pointed an 'I told you so' finger in our
direction. I got the impression that you cared
equally about each woman in the facility and what
each woman was going through, regardless of her
reasons for choosing the procedure. I have never
met a group of purely non-judgmental people like
yourselves."
On occasion, an abortion turns out to be a
momentous, life-affirming experience for an
anti-choice woman. A doctor from a north-western
state shared the following personal story with me:
"I was born into a very Catholic
family, and was politically pro-life during
college. After dating my first real boyfriend for
three years, we broke up, and the day my boyfriend
moved out, I discovered I was pregnant. It was an
agonizing decision, and something I never thought
I would do, but I decided an abortion was the only
realistic option. Thanks to Planned Parenthood
counseling, I worked through some very tough
conflicts within myself. I had to learn that my
decision was a loving one. That 'my god' was
actually a loving and supportive god. And that men
don't have to make this decision, only women do.
That it is a very personal, individual decision. I
had to own it. I became much more compassionate
towards myself and others as a result of my
experience. Two years later I began medical
school. When it came time to choose a practice, an
abortion clinic opportunity came up. In working
there, I began to feel that this was my calling.
Having been in my patients' shoes, and coming from
an unforgiving background, I could honestly say to
patients, 'I know how you feel.' Deciding to have
an abortion was THE hardest decision I've ever
made in my life. Yet it has brought me the
greatest transformation, fulfillment, and now joy.
I am a more loving person because of it, and a
better doctor for having experienced it. I love
the work that I do, and the opportunity to support
women seeking to end an unwanted pregnancy. My
patients and my work are life's gifts to me, and I
think my compassion and support are my gifts in
return."
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